On Mondays I weigh myself.
I step on the scale see those numbers and I curse out loud. Fuckfuckfuckfuck. FUCK!
I get depressed and rethink my food choices promising myself to “do better” this week…
Why do I keep doing it to myself?!.
This morning I realize – those numbers mean NOTHING and it is time to remove them from my life forever! Whether I see “good numbers” or “bad numbers” when I step onto that scale I experience a substantial increase in anxiety levels and urges to either binge or restrict; and restricting always leads to further bingeing in the end.
Today rethinking all that ugly Monday process I realized that in recovery I don’t need a scale to measure my progress.
I mean, my well-being, confidence and energy levels have exceedingly improved. And they are the true indicators of the progress that I am making. All continually checking my weight keeps me trapped in those obsessive and compulsive thought patterns.
At the start of my recovery I decided to weigh myself once a week. Only once – on Mondays.
Today I’ve understood that even though I was only checking my weight once a week I remain a slave to those numbers. I still use them for comfort and I know I would never really recover while I am so dependent on them.
So today I took a bigger plunge.
I gave the batteries of my digital scale to my BF and told him to hide them. Forever. It was hard. Painful. Scary.
Thus I’m freeing myself from the scale today and celebrating it with this (the dinner)
Did or when you stopped weighting yourself?