I clearly remember reading somewhere that for every year I put into my eating disorder, it would take the same amount of time to get to the same level of progression in recovery. 15 years? I didn’t want to believe it, but as the time passes, I think to some extent the theory might prove true.
I believe that there are many layers of recovery…defining recovery as finding serenity with food and body image.
This is where I am. I don’t binge and purge or starve. I haven’t for a long time. However, I still have a mild obsession about when and what I will eat. I still look in the mirror to see if my “fat” has shifted or grown in any area. The difference today being that I can still leave the house if I “feel” fat.
What troubles me the most in this part of my recovery is that I still eat to comfort myself on some level. I hate this because, of course, I want to have perfect abstinence. I want never to “need” food. Even people without EDs eat for comfort from time to time.
The thing is that while I can let distorted thinking impede on my life – it is far less emotionally crippling.
It’s kind of like, so what? Life goes on.
Recovery is not a destination. It’s a process and a journey.
So there some comfort food for your eye.