Being on vocation gives me a lot of time to think about my current state of ED.

While there are many characteristics, one ED theme seems to be the thought of never having (or being) enough, and always striving for more.

For me there’s always not enough love, or I feel I’m not enough. In any case, it drives me to constantly seek perfection through achievements or become people-pleaser–trying to overcompensate for my innate defects as human being. If I can have enough or be enough, then I am okay. The problem is that I am left always wanting more. If my want is unfilled, then I am back to feeling not enough.

This translates into my relationship with food and the body. I do try to get to the perfect weight, the perfect pant size. Even knowing that I’m not fat, I still like to be a little smaller; just to feel more comfortable. Sometimes I push away food, but usually I crave more, long after I’ve met my daily caloric intake.

The thing I want to say, is that I may always want more… of everything. What I try to practice daily, and imperfectly, is sitting with the uncomfortable feeling of wanting more and not acting on it with a late-night snack. I’m not always successful, but I get more successful as the days go by. I still can comfort myself with food from time to time; my abstinence will never be that black-and-white perfection. But, I stick to my bottom lines. For me, that is what “normal” eating is. Some days I may not eat quite enough, some days a little too much. And other days, just the perfect amount. I will probably always strive for perfection, but that doesn’t mean I have to be perfect.

Do you have issues of not being/having enough?

Any advice on dealing with them?