Today I’m all about “reality” which is something ED hates. Reality tells me that it’s okay to be a “normal” weight, and reminds me that while the isolation of living in the ED mindset can feel comforting and powerful, it is all an illusion… the same way my minds play tricks on me to tell me I’m fat.
Reality, for me, is about honesty. When I tell myself, “It’s okay, you don’t need to eat,” when I’m physically hungry, or when I tell myself, “Just finish the rest, you can start again tomorrow,” when I’m holding my stomach because I’m clearly full, I’m not living an honest recovery.
Today, I’m trying to live in reality and listen to what the quiet ED voices in my head are saying, because when I listen to the subtle voices–the voices that seem like no big deal, but could actually be the most seductive, insidious, and manipulative voices–I eventually start listening to the overt ED messages that send me straight to the grocery store or to the toilet.
For today, having conscious contact with reality means to eat what’s on my food plan, don’t listen to ED voices that will only sabotage my recovery and make me feel guilty, and to have the COURAGE to either pick up or put down the fork when I cross over to emotional eating.
Recovery teaches me everyday that it is really just one day at a time.