Since we had to do some serious repairing at our house, I and my BF moved to my old apartment for a week. It’s surreal. I can’t believe I’m actually here! The last time I lived here, 4 years ago, I was at the pinnacle of my stylist’s career (I guess I was silent about it on my blog up until now) unfortunately, my bulimia was building an impressive resume as well. Back then, I spent every hour, every minute, and every second of my existence obsessing about food, inhaling bags and boxes of this food or that food, and hunching over the toilet (or anything that could hold vomit) to undue the damage done by my “lack of willpower,” the culprit of my problems.
While my disordered eating caused me to give away my stylist career, I have the fortunate opportunity of being granted a “do-over”–not with my stylist career, but rather, with teaching literature at school, the way I originally envisioned it… abstinent.
So, now that I’ve been here for, oh, three days, I can say things are definitely different. I am present. I am not obsessing about food. I am not bingeing and purging. I am not spending my days comparing myself to the skinnier women who pass me on the streets (well, maybe a little). I am no longer looking for “thinspiration.”
It’s funny how, over time, abstinent eating causes one’s perspective to change. Anorexia is no longer attractive to me, nor is it a goal I aspire to obtain.
Today I get to taste life…oh, how sweet it is.
Oh, and this nom nom nom 😉