Throughout my recovery, I have been waiting for the day when the insane body image buster voice in my head can be squashed indefinitely.
Enter cognitive distortion number one. Body image does not magically disappear just because I have solid recovery time!!
My BF has been very supportive to rebuilding my self-esteem. So the other day, you can imagine how proud I was to announce to him, “I can’t believe it. Every time I’ve looked in the mirror this week, I actually accepted what I saw, imperfections and all!” I couldn’t believe it. I had arrived. I could now accept my body.
Enter cognitive distortion number two. For me, body image acceptance isn’t a terminal state of mind.
Less than twenty-four hours later, I stood in front of the mirror to mentally solidify this ground-breaking level of acceptance. With my backside facing the mirror and my head cocked, becoming owl-like, I begin monitoring the level of toneness of my back for any post-body-image-acceptance changes. I leaned to the side in a way I had never leaned before…and there it was. My head went into shock as I looked at my newfound fat roll, and suddenly, it all became clear. What was I thinking before??? I must have been in a delusional, recovery blur to think that my body was imperfectly perfect!
So today, I inform my other half of the transitory state of my body image acceptance. After hearing me rant about how I had never learned that way and how my acceptance was a big fat recovery ruse, my BF had a simple solution for me…”Next time you’re looking in the mirror, DON’T LEAN THAT WAY.”
The point to all of this is that recovery and all the coexisting insanity is a cyclical process. At least for me, I don’t think that I will ever arrive at this utopian, blissful state of mind with my body image, but it does get easier. For today, I like (I admit that quietly) my body.
Cliché for the day: The pain is in the resistance.
Do you like Your body?