Yesterday I received a message from a close friend informing me that she had been in the hospital since Sunday. Her liver enzymes were at levels in which she was lucky to be alive. Her eating disorder has put her in situations multiple times where she has barely escapes death. I have cried myself to sleep many times wondering if she will be alive when I wake up the next day. Sadly she’s too faraway to hug and comfort her and I can’t afford to visit her at the moment. Just pray always wondering whether she will die and I will have not seen her.
I hate eating disorders. I hate what they do to people physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. All they do is take. They never give. They are selfish. I want my friends back. I want them to experience at least some of the life I am grateful to be experiencing today. Some of the joy I feel. Some of the freedom I have found. I want to again laugh with them, enjoy days at the farmers market, random dance parties, or a coffee at Starbucks without having to talk about how to avoid a crisis with Ed. Life can be full of so much more. I originally felt selfish writing this message, saying that I want this, I want that but that’s not all this is about. I’m pissed. Eating Disorders are taking away the lives of some amazing friends/women. I’ve lived it. I understand. It’s not an easy battle. But it IS worth the fight. One day at a time is all you have to focus on. Don’t get caught up in the big picture, that’s what I did for too long. Just focus on the task at hand. Recovery IS possible. You CAN do it!