I really wanted to keep this off the internet, but I’m sorry, I can’t!
This morning I received an email from a young girl (14) saying she was binging and purging every day and didn’t know why. She was reading some recovery blogs on the internet and one (very well known for me) was saying that she was just WEAK! This lady kept telling her to manage her bulimia by not keeping any “bad” foods in the house, to eat “good” food so she won’t want to purge. The solution to her problem was “that easy.”
Now she’s not only terrified about her inability to stop binging and purging. She also feels stupid, incompetent, lost and confused. Since she is financially dependent on her parents, she is afraid and ashamed to tell them about her eating disorder. If you can identify with her this post is for you.
Binging and purging are symptoms of the eating disorder, bulimia. Without treatment it will get worse. It’s an illness, not a character flaw. You need a mental health professional who understands and has specific experience with eating disorders.
To anyone who isn’t bulimic or doesn’t have knowledge about eating disorders or says just to stop doing it, binging and purging doesn’t make sense.
But when you suffer from bulimia you throw up for reasons. Maybe you don’t know or understand what those reasons are. And the only way you can explain them is by saying, “I can’t stop myself.” “I don’t want to stop.” “I promise myself that I will stop.” “This is the last time I will ever do this.”
To a mental health professional who understands eating disorders these responses do make sense. When you have bulimia usually you are not eating because you hungry. In fact, when you know you are hungry and eat for that reason it’s a developmental milestone on your recovery journey.
Sometimes you eat just so you can throw up. Some people feel soothed by the binge until it hurts too much so they throw up so they can binge again. But some people need to binge so they can throw up because it’s the throwing up that brings some relief from anxiety.
Also I can’t forbid, but only ask to be careful while reading recovery blogs. Bloggers usually aren’t professionals so they may harm more than help (including myself).
Finding and developing a solid, trusting, mutually appreciating relationship with your psychotherapist is crucial in moving toward recovery.
If you are young and living with your parents or financially dependent on them because you are in school or in an early career stage, you need to tell them what is going on with you. You need to let them help you help yourself.
Bulimia is an illness. You don’t recover through will power just as you don’t recover from pneumonia through will power. You need caring and appropriate healing work with a professional who knows about eating disorders and who respects you and what you are going through.
The girl I’m writing here about is aware of me publishing this openly and she will be reading.
Have you had difficulty in asking for help? Please share.
xoxo
Wandering Voiceless said:
Riiight… and people who are overweight should just stop eating, right? (insert sarcasm here)
I am all kinds of fuming here.
Any kind of addiction — drugs, alcohol, food, binging/purging, sex, gambling — can’t be “just stopped” by the addict. It’s a process. A long process. There are multiple paths to success, some can be taken simultaneously and some work better for some people than others. But you can’t just say “stop” and expect results.
That’s. Just. Stupid.
Greta said:
Shoot, I was also irate to post this that I’ve missed all kind of addictions you’ve mentioned.
True! The “Stop” won’t do! To any of those.
Oh, I wish! Anyone wishes it could be stopped just by will power. Or by reading some blog… there is so much more into recovery.
Thank you for support! Appreciate it!
Fiona said:
I AM SO GLAD SHE FOUND YOU!
This is why that certain blogger needs to be gotten off the internet. She isn’t just ignorant and wrong, she’s DANGEROUS.
This is a very good post and very true.
It can’t just be stopped. Eating disorders have NOTHING TO DO WITH BEING WEAK. Nothing. They are far more complicated than that. xx
Greta said:
I’m really worried about her! Man, I was so wrong. I though no one took that woman too seriously. But some apparently do.
But that girl is a smart kid. I hope she choose right.
Thank you for being here, Fi.
xoxo
Fiona said:
I think she is very smart too – she found you, after all! Let’s hope she’s listened. I was glad when I read that she will be reading this.
Thank YOU for speaking up and out about this. I hope we can educate as many people who are following our footsteps as possible so they realise it’s not a path they ever want to follow xoxox
Ashley said:
This post really speaks to me. I can relate so much to it. As i have suffered from Anorexia for seven years, and Bulimia for three years, i can’t tell you how hard it is for me to ask for help. Unfortunately, and i hate to admit this, but i found some sort of comfort in my eating disorder and i still do. I never admitted to myself how serious my disorder was, so it was mainly my parents that forced me into treatment. I know i sounded more positive on my last comment. Because inside, I know that eating disorders are terrible diseases, and that they have the highest mortality rate of any mental illness. I had a male friend that passed away from Anorexia two years ago. I have lots of knowledge about the dangers of Anorexia and Bulimia. I have several friends that have eating disorders, and will encourage and support them, but I am not recovered yet, and even after several hospitalizations and therapy appointments, and even the threat of almost being declared incompetent (By far one of the scariest moments of my life) i find myself getting sicker each day. I have faced criticism for encouraging the recovery of others, while still dwelling in my own illness. But i cannot stress enough how unhappy i am with my eating disorder, and how i find nothing good about it, even if my mind tries to convince me otherwise. I can relate to this post, in part to the Bulimia and being secretive about it, but also why it is so hard for people going through this to ask for help. Because some might feel embarrassment or ashamed, i know i do, when i get questioned by my parents or members of my family. The most important thing to remember is to find someone you can talk to and trust, if you are starting to engage in eating disorder behaviors. And if you know someone that has an eating disorder, no matter how frustrated you may feel, it is always best to be patient and understanding. Shaming or making a loved one feel guilty about their disorder will only make the person feel bad, and they may isolate or find unhealthy coping mechanisms such as restricting and purging. I speak from personal experience here because i want people to understand how serious eating disorders are, and you don’t need to be drastically underweight to have something go medically wrong. The death of Karen Carpenter is a good example of this. Basically how the damage done to the body can sometimes be too much, even if on the outside, you may feel fine. So its very important to seek help early. Thanks for this post, Greta, and i hope this girl can get the help she needs
Fiona said:
I really relate to you. You are not alone. I’m not surprised you find comfort in your ED and I think most of us do at some stage – it has a reason. that’s part of why it’s so hard to turn around and reject it, because it has had it’s function. I know I’d be dead without having had the ED, and I know friends of mine have said the same thing. But what’s helped us to survive something in our lives that otherwise would have been too hard for us to deal with, is also killing us and turned out to be more deadly than what it’s helped us with – it can take time to come to terms with that.
I also think that it’s hard to give it up, because then you have to face what’s really wrong – so things get more painful instead of less painful, tempting us to grab it back or find another addiction in it’s place.
There’s so much fear. What if I find that I can’t cope without it at all? What if I have to actually LIVE life and I turn out to be a failure at it? What if I hate myself? etc etc etc. We have to come to a point where we choose to live, rather than hanging in the limbo of too scared to live, too scared to die.
You can definitely beat this and I hope things only get better for you. You are right -ask for help as soon as possible and never feel ashamed – nobody asks for this illness, so it’s nobody’s fault that they have it at all. xxx
Ashley said:
Thanks so much for the encouragement. It is wonderful to find support and understanding when dealing with an Ed. I love your comment about being in limbo, “too scared to live, too scared to die.” I can relate so much to that, and i know i will find strength one day to overcome this. Thanks again!
Greta said:
Oh, Ashley, I KNOW.
I’ve never told my parents or my friends. Ashamed, discussed, worthless. Well not true, at the beginning of my ed I talked to my mom, we cried and she told me that she was always there for me, except I moved. To the other country! And went through that hell all by myself. All ugly, wasted 15 years of life.
My bf is the one I’ve opened up the most, yet still I’s really difficult for him to understand, he’s like “Why don’t you just quit?”
But I have a good therapist.
She’s the third of that kind I’m seeing. The first two were like “Don’t eat crap, eat good” Problem solved! Yeah, right!
Secrets are bad. You live them. you become them.
I wish you freedom, hun!
Freedom is so sweet! Way better than coffee, than fashion… anything!
xo
Kath (My Funny Little Life) said:
Yes freedom is so good … but probably also the hardest thing to achieve.
Kath (My Funny Little Life) said:
I know as well. But however big the shame is, it’s not a bad thing to tell about all of this at least to some people. Admittedly, I needed years for that, but when I finally told my best friend (who has zero experience with ED), it turned out she didn’t love me less and honestly wanted to help me. This support means so much to me.
Greta said:
I bet those moments of openness are incomparable and everlasting. And friends like yours are exceptional and rare. You are so lucky and loved.
mindfulness4now said:
Thank God for you and ur loving support of others with ED (and probably other addictions). Keep going. U know, this may sound strange but u are actually transforming ur suffering into a good by helping others with the wisdom u have gained and if you save/help/inform just one person with ur insights, then u have had a win over that suffering, you have transformed it to something exceedingly wonderful. May I say God bless. Regards Leanne
Ashley said:
Thank you for the positive comment, it has made me feel so much better about myself! I also hope my story will help someone, anyone, to seek help. thank you again,
mindfulness4now said:
Hi Ash, I don’t know how so many precious people end up feeling bad about themselves. I’ve been there too. I will say that from my perspective, as I have no idea if you have a faith (and a faith won’t mean you don’t have to do the personal work) all people are created in God’s image. That means you are his daughter. Sit with this truth…say every morning when you wake up, before any bad thought enters, I am God’s daughter. I am a princess in His Kingdom and that alone, without anything else makes me incredibly special. Say this over and over IF you have a belief in God. If God thinks ur amazing what does it matter what anyone else thinks and how dare we think badly of ourselves.
This is not to replace therapy, or suddenly make all the suffering go away but a prayer like this will be slowly transformative because we are body mind and soul ONE….so we can use truths to help us heal.Again, this is not meant as therapy it is soul work and dancing with your soul. I’m sending lots of hugs ur way. Leanne
Greta said:
Thank you so much, Leanne.
gel said:
Yes ~ asking for help is one of the most difficult things I have done and it continues to be hard. For me it’s the shame and embarrassment, fear of being misunderstood, worry that others will be too freaked out.
Finding people that you trust and who respect you is not always easy. Even some professionals and ‘helpers’, being human, may not be the most skilled or understanding. So having a few different sources of help can be good. And knowing that you have the right to try different kinds of help.
I really applaud you Greta for this post and I hope it helps your friend to feel able to ask for help.
Greta said:
Oh, Gel. I eds are mental illnesses, however often misinterpreted as vanities, maybe that’s why we are so ashamed to admit we suffer from one.
I don’t know if I could be posting my pictures so openly if I were still binging and purging (not that I’m immune from it)
Eds are disorders of hiding, from the world and from ourselves too.
Thank you for commenting. This means a lot!
xoxo
twirlinggirl said:
YES.
This is such an important post. I am an intelligent young woman, but when I began binging, I honestly had NO idea that I was on the path to an eating disorder because I wasn’t thinking about food… It just sort of happened. Same thing with the restriction cycle. I was in therapy, I was self-aware and educated about psychological issues… and YET for months I didn’t process the idea that what I was doing wasn’t just a “weird thing” and I couldn’t just “stop.”
EDs, at their core, are not about the external, but the INTERNAL. I am so glad this young woman found you. I think of my ED as a way that I subconsciously managed my previous psychological afflictions (mostly, depression)– it’s a symptom, not a CAUSE. And in order to heal, you have to get help for what’s really underneath the behavior, not just “stop” the behavior itself. There is nothing conscious about ED behavior except the way that it makes you FEEL.
Love and strength to this young woman, and to you, Greta.
xoxo.
B.
Fiona said:
YES. When I started using food to cope I had no idea what I was in for either! I didn’t even know anything about eating disorders apart from that there had been rumors and my own mother had accused me of being anorexic – which I angrily rejected, thinking they were spoilt brats who wanted to be beautiful and I didn’t want to be thin or beautiful at that point, it meant zero to me. Apart from that, I knew nothing. All I knew was that suddenly I couldn’t stop eating, and then suddenly food and weight became everything to me. And that when I started losing weight it was the best feeling in the world and really did feel like everything was getting better.
I had no idea what a hell I was putting myself in for. No idea that I wouldn’t be able to escape this after a while. That my own brain could betray me and refuse to cooperate with me. In fact go to war with me.
It wasn’t helpful that the first people with ‘this too’ that I came in contact with were in the mindset of WANTING it rather than wanting to FIGHT it, because once you get hospitalised in this country without consent – it’s by force. So those who are forced to go in mostly don’t want or aren’t ready to get better. That’s why preventative/early intervention style treatment is so important – at least with say, a moderated group, or outpatient treatment, you don’t have 24 hours a day with people who might be in a very bad place to learn more ways to hurt yourself. It’s also why it’s such a tragedy when someone in the earlier stages of this horrible disease comes in contact with someone online who is like the blogger this girl found. At least pro-ed people are obvious about what they stand for – this blogger is very easily interpreted, at least at first and by people who don’t fully understand or have insight into the disorder yet, as being someone who has found a way to help herself and is passionate to help others too by sharing what worked for her. She sure sucked me in and I’m not naive or innocent or ignorant about ED at all. And now, she’s saying how happy and over the moon she is and healthy and successful all due to her wonderful healthful diet and exercise regime blah blah de blah. Very very seductive stuff, that, to someone who is in a dark place and is seeking exactly that ‘things are going to get better’ feeling of reassurance 😦
Greta said:
My clever and gifted Australian friend,
As I’ve said to Miss B, you are the ones that should write on this.
Man, I was bedazzled by some bloggers too. So much joy, pride, and luxury life style they EXHIBIT. Ed free! God, we all want that!
But if you watch this soap opera for long – you feel the true. The insecurities, the cry to be liked/loved/understood are seen in every picture and every word. Oops, I may be kicked my ass for this, so I’m shutting up.
I know that neither of our blogs play happy songs all the time. And I’m sorry that our struggles (as eds are struggles) and recovery (which is so damn tough) aren’t blissful. But we don’t fake it. So I’m good with that.
Thank you for being true, real and supportive.
I’m really looking forward to the posts of your hospitalization. I even can’t imagine the horrid you went through.
xoxo
Fiona said:
Greta.. sorry you make me want to cry, in a good way, because you are always just so beautiful and kind, all this you are saying to me. So kind. And the stuff about us being real? Spot on.
I used to be very positive, and then i was very negative, because I ran out of energy and puff. I just didn’t have it in me to pretend I was okay any longer. But I didn’t realise that I didn’t have to pretend. I didn’t know that I could find positive if I stopped ‘trying’ and just looked for it. So now I’m real. And I actually feel better being real than pretending to be “OMG Awesome!!!!!”
Like someone we know always pretends to be, and doesn’t convince anyone.
It’s okay to just be as you are, I know that now. It’s okay to be down if you are down, happy if you are happy etc. I think people appreciate that too, because it shows them you are honest and sincere.
In the end, what’s within will always, always matter more than what’s outside.
Love you so much – so lucky and glad to be your friend and sister 🙂 xoxoxo
Greta said:
Toughen up, Fi! Crying is for “losers”!
I’m sorry but today the “bitch” has woken up in me!
We are allowed to have down days and weep when our hearts are being broken. And to tell it to the World “I’m not awesome!” So what?..
Fiona said:
Meow! Rowr!! How dare we be NICE to each other? How terrible! It’s war!! Bring out the cream pies, I declare it a food fight! How politically incorrect am I? 😉
I can totally be a grumpy-pants. Oscar the grouch would be proud of me, Greta!!
Love you 😉 xxx
Greta said:
Yesterday I read it as a cry for love, today I read it as an insult -it is clear that This post has made someone furious. I did my best not to hurt her with it – I failed. Sorry, but I’m not sorry.
And Thank You!
Fiona said:
You didn’t fail. She’s not HURT, Greta, don’t you see? She’s angry. She’s jealous. Because you have ‘stolen’ her audience (you haven’t, you’ve earnt every single reader here outright). Because someone might google her and see this and forever think she’s awful (even though she’s put so much stuff out there that’s going to paint her in a bad light for the rest of her life – the internet doesn’t forget – even if you delete stuff, it’s still there, cached, in people’s readers, etc). and because she’s jealous of YOU, because you are beautiful, kind, loved, stylish – things she will never be. She only has herself to blame. You tried so hard – harder than most, and it’s like reaching out to a wild dog and being only bitten for your efforts. Everyone draws a line at some point – it’s only healthy. If she wants popularity she has to be a good person to others and to stop intentionally harming others. It’s pretty simple stuff. Glad you are not sorry. Glad to see this strong Greta standing up for yourself 🙂 Love you xoxo
Greta said:
Greta said:
Miss B,
You should have written this post, not me!
Seriously.
I’m so fortunate that young precious soul will be reading this!
Thank you with all of my heart!
xo
bee said:
Wow, what a powerful post! This girl is so lucky she found you, Greta, and my heart goes out to her and everybody else suffering from these horrible disorders.
I know this place where it’s just too shameful and scary and full of “why can’t I just stop?! I’m all weak and worthless”. I’ve been there – as probably have most of us.
It gets me so mad when someone labels EDs (or any other mental diseases) as personal weakness or character flaw. I am more than sick of the “so why don’t you just stop doing it?” and the “you just should brighten up!”
I can olny tell you that getting help makes all the difference. It was so so hard at the beginning. Oh my, was I scared of having to talk to someone about the horribly shameful things I did and thought and felt.
Still, at some point I told my parents. (GOOD thing to do) And then accepted to go to therapy (after reaching the breaking point of cannot-do-this-anymore). And I do believe that this was the only way I could have survived this.
As Greta already mentioned, not every therapist has enough ED experience and understanding to treat you the right way. I am now with my second therapist (not counting a few sessions with one that turned out not the right one for me) and at the moment I could not be happier with how we can work together.
Another thing that has helped me tremendously – and may be a good “starting point” – is a self help group / group therapy thing that I attend weekly. It’s so freeing to get to know people who suffer from the same illness with moderation from an experienced therapist. The group support made it a lot easier for me to accept that I definitely needed to begin “real” therapy again.
Also, at least here in Germany, there are groups that don’t need to be paid or cost only a small attendance fee, without involving health insurance or your parents or anybody else.
As I said, for me, this was a good strategy to restart my therapy and has helped my own recovery process immensely (still a long way to go, but at least I’m on the right way finally)
I’ll repeat myself here: what a good and very important post!
Greta said:
I appreciate you sharing this Bee.
Yeah, I’m the therapist hater here. I’ve tried like 10, I’ve worked with 3. Eds are so hurtful, personal and shameful in a way. You need someone really dedicated in helping you to trust.
I’m happy you have one you confide in. And the support groups may be helpful as well.
The important thing here is not to let slide with the feeling I’m too scared to do it/or do it later (when I’m thin enough story) right?
Thanks again, and stay cool! 😉
Liz_Adorable said:
I think this post is a fabulous reminder that the internet is not a recovery method. It is very important to realize that those of us who are writing blogs are not (for the most part) counselors. And those of us who are, would be breaching many ethical guidelines by trying to formally counsel people over the internet. I think it is important to remember that what we read online is no more researched than Wikipedia. We can come to the internet to find a community, BUT NOT to find a solution. We support each other, but any one of us that tries to tell anyone, this poor girl especially how to “fix” themselves is irresponsible.
What is also important to remember that those of us who do post on here never claim to be professionals. Even the person who lead this poor girl to think it was a weakness has never claimed to be a professional and advocates getting help that fits with you. Like any addiction how people stop is very much individual. I know many people including myself that have stopped addictions cold turkey, and it worked for them. But that method certainly won’t work for others, if not most. Those of us who have gotten help in whatever way and who work towards getting better can talk about what worked for us. But those who are looking for initial help CANNOT look on the internet for the answer on how to work towards recovering from an eating disorder, that has to come from the support you have in your actual life. I look to the internet for people who are going through similar experiences and looking for a little inspiration on the bad days. But it is the people that I know in person that were instrumental in pushing me towards the help that started the process. As a helping professional I sincerely hope that this young girl gets the courage to ask her parents, teachers, or someone for help.
Greta said:
Thank you Liz!
And wow! You’ve stopped your behaviors cold turkey? That’s amazing! I’ve read about such people, and they are like wonders to me; the only one I’m kind of familiar with is not the best example. Apparently her management of the ed did not make her ex bulimic, on the contrary – she became completely different person (believe me, I’ve “known” her for a year or so) trapped into her small world refusing any further help as she believes she’s finished with her recovery progress. The management of ones’ ed is really admiring, but it’s not the way to live forever (IMO)
I’ve always stated that I started my blog as a recovery tool to prevent my binges – every time I wanted to binge I got myself busy with writing a blog post. I still do it. that’s why I’m so hesitant to post pictures of what I eat. I don’t want anyone using it as a tool for their way out.
Ok, I’ve gotten into too much here.
On the whole: Big Yes! – to your comment! Thank you for supporting me and this little lost heart.
xo
Liz_Adorable said:
Just to clarify, the addiction I stopped successfully cold turkey was smoking….6 or 7 times before it finally stuck. The process was similar but different for my bulimia. I stopped purging cold turkey, for me that was the easier part to stop. The binges are still attempting to kick my butt. I sought professional help for my depression and dealing with a very traumatic death in my family. Through my own counseling I have learned different things to do to cope when I want to either binge or purge. Similarly to you Greta, I write my blog to distract myself from stress or to just “talk” it through. I am very much an advocate of counseling BUT you have to be open to the process. Like many people forced into getting help, if you are not invested in your own health and have the desire to fight your ass off to be health, no amount of help anywhere is going to work, professional or not. I am very open to the fact that I am a counselor who is recovering from an eating disorder. I know the process, but it doesn’t always work for me. I have to be the one that choose to work at my recovery. So my thoughts are a little different in that this young girl should talk to someone, a trusted adult about getting help, BUT therapy might not work for her, she (just like the rest of us) has to find a method that works for her. But the FIRST step is to talk to someone, and start exploring the helping options.
That tangent aside…. 🙂
I agree with you that managing an eating disorder is not working on recovery or even getting healthy in some cases. One must deal with the issues, not just hide away from food, binge triggers and life. Food is certainly my enemy, BUT I don’t hide from it, I face it head on, because (for me) that is the only way I will truly recover.
Greta said:
Aww, Liz, your comment is another proof of how great you are! So intelligent, kind, sincere and So strong! I will be following your journey closely. I really need to learn lots from you.
Kath (My Funny Little Life) said:
This is a very good post, and I very much agree with you! An eating power can’t be fixed by willpower. Willpower may help you to suppress some urges, but it’s just tackling the symptoms. It’s very likely there’s something more underneath, and if you don’t start unraveling and working on that, you’ll never get to the core of what’s going on. The ED symptoms are just the indicators something is not good. If you concentrate on the symptoms only, you may possibly be able to stop them *with an immense amount of willpower*, at least for some time, but that’s often a very delicate “balance” which affords *a lot* of mental energy and rigid control every single minute, and since the underlying stuff hasn’t been touched, it will another outlet to emerge in an unhappy and dysfunctional way. This kind of “symptom shifting” is not at all unrealistic, I’ve seen it in several people myself. They get better with something and at the same time worse with something else. The most exteme example I know was a girl from my school who went from severe self-harm (with that I don’t mean just cutting with a knife or so, her scars rather looked as if she’d taken nail sissors and run them into her arm and cut deeple through the flesh, it should have been sewed but apparently wasn’t) to anorexia to bulimia to binge eating to sex addiction to alcoholism. (However, I’ve met her two or three years ago and she apparently seemed fine, at least she’s married now and has a child, so there seems to be some stabilty in her life.)
With regard to blog reading and skipping, I’d say that recovery blogs can never substitute a good psychotherapy, which is certainly needed to overcome an ED. I know that from my own experience. You cn be highly intelligent and educated about eating disorders, but if you have one yourself, you’re lost nevertheless. I was lucky to find a very good therapist, and I wouldn’t have made any progress without him.
Blog reading can aid recovery when you read the right blogs. With that I mean blogs written by people who are honestly interested in getting well, and who share their experiences. As you said in your previous post (and this is something I very much believe as well), everybody has his or her own way to find health and happiness, so what you’ll read won’t apply to yourself to a 100 %, but it can encourage you and inspire you. However, there are blogs that are so negative or unsettling that they aren’t helpful to read, and especially when you’re recovering from an ED, you are very susceptible to influence, so this really is a double-edged thing.
The advice I can give as somebody who’s affected herself is: Get therapy. If possible, find a good therapist who sees you as a person and not only treats a disorder defined by a number code in the DSM. Be very sensitive of what does you good (= encourages you) and what doesn’t (= unsettles you or makes you feel bad, weak, incompetent, or hopeless). Stay away from the latter. Focus on what helps you to get better.
Greta said:
Love you, Kath! I know if I sent anyone with a trouble to you, you won’t advise bad. You get people.
Blogging is fun!
I see it as fun.
Ok my last posts weren’t fun. But I just felt like that at the moment.
I’m really hesitant to continue doing so, as I had no idea that some of the suggestions we put out here can be taken so seriously.
Thank you for your thorough and sincere comment. I’m really glad I’m not alone into advocating the therapy instead of pushing the “will power” thing.
Though you need the latter to open up to your parents or the therapist. I know how hard it is.
Vielen Dank and Tschüss!
xoxo
Kath (My Funny Little Life) said:
The moment we put our thoughts out there we are responsible. Even when it’s just a recipe and I’ve accidentially set up a wrong cooking time and somebody else burns her stew to ashes. 😀 But this is more of a large-scale responsibility.
What I think we can do is to raise awareness and offer our subjective experiences to others, which can actually help them because they see they’re not alone with their issues and there *is* a way (or, many ways – one for each 🙂 ). What we should never do it to assume we could give professional advice or hold our own way as being “the one and only” or “the best”, and to suggest that there are simple solutions such like “trying hard enough”. I think you do very well with all of this, and I’m happy your blog is out there. 🙂
Guten Morgen! 😀 Are you learning German? 😀
Greta said:
Kath, I just know some simple words as “hello”, “thank you”, “I love you” in German. I guess if one knows English, German is not so difficult to learn? Well maybe I will! 😉
Kath (My Funny Little Life) said:
Ja, Deutsch und Englisch sind in mancher Hinsicht ja ähnlich. Ist auf jeden Fall etwas, das man lernen kann. 🙂
(Yes, German and English are similar in some regards. It’s definitely something you can learn. 🙂 )
Greta said:
And it’ll be even more easy, because I have You! 😉
Kath (My Funny Little Life) said:
Oh, I wrote weird stuff. It’s of course “eating disorder” in the first line. Lalala. I guess there’s more nonsense and typos. It’s too late. I really have to go to bed. 😉
Greta said:
Eating “power”
Get some rest, sweetie!
Kath (My Funny Little Life) said:
This is *not* funny!!! 😉
( 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 )
Fiona said:
PMSL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Greta said:
Stop it, you “Eating Disordered snake pit. (we know who they are)” (I have to google this as I’m too stupid to get the meaning of it) mob!
It’s a sad/crying/hugging blog!
No one’s allowed to laugh!
Fiona said:
I’ve really loved all the comments here, loved the discussion that Greta has stimulated. I just thought of another point – always take into account the motivation of any blogger you read when you are looking for community online for ED. I keep stumbling on sites that offer you this program or that resource for $$$$$ for example.
Most bloggers here in this community are here for the community, the sharing, the acceptance and the hope that what they have been through might in turn help someone else – they are not out there for popularity, nor do they see their blog as a business or a spotlight on themselves. Seek those who are sincere and don’t have ulterior motives and you are more likely to find someone speaking honestly about their experiences rather than someone trying to talk themselves up and achieve reknown, even if for all the wrong reasons.
Kath (My Funny Little Life) said:
I very much agree!!!
Greta said:
I value this comment so much, Fiona! I adore having warmly comment-conversations with such beautiful and sincere people. I definitely don’t want go time wasting on posts that put people asleep (who does? Haha!) but if there happens so – I’m cool.
Thanks!
Bleeker Street Thyme said:
If only it were as easy as eating clean and keeping binge food out of the house. But it’s not. Changing the food does not necessitate changing the behavior around food. I’ve binged on healthy things before. Nothing stops me when I have that urged, certainly not a pantry full of health food. You are spot on: willpower is a good start, but we need to learn the WHYs and understand how to use our willpower to help recovery mentally before we can just quit. I could never maintain a recovery without understanding what my emotional needs are that I am meeting through symptom use.
Greta said:
Oh, Yes! I was gluten sensitive when I started binging and later purging – no sugar and no flour involved! I very much admire people who have such willpower, but ed aren’t about those at all…
Thank you so much for replying to this.
xo.
doesmybumlookbiginthis said:
Oh my gosh i am so relieved this poor girl emailed you! Eating Disorders are not weaknesses and anyone who thinks they are is either ignorant or in denial. Way, WAY in denial. I (obviously) know the blogger whom you speak of 😉 and her blog is so destructive.
A fellow blogger was called a bitch the other week and she rightly quoted Tina Fey when she said ‘bitches get stuff done’. We may be the ‘woe-is-me’ crowd but we’re getting stuff done. We cry our tears and scream out our anger … and then we get stuff done. Because getting it all out allows us to move on with our lives, which is exactly what you’re doing Greta, which is exactly why this blogger wants to bring you down.
In my opinion, anyone who cries about a traumatic time or gets angry or scared or depressed isn’t weak, they’re letting out emotions which have been substituted with food. And as soon as we learn to let out our emotions rather than starving them away, or binging them or purging them, then ‘normal’ eating can start. Do you agree? Also i love your analogy – ‘You don’t recover through will power just as you don’t recover from pneumonia through will power.’
Man, i hope this girl doesn’t get sucked into the crazy! xx
Gel said:
Oh Man do your words mean a lot to me right now. My grip on bulimia and it’s grip on me is loosening and I’m uncovering a cauldron of INTENSE emotions. It’s really scary so your words are very encouraging and strengthening to me at a very fragile time.
“And as soon as we learn to let out our emotions rather than starving them away, or binging them or purging them, then ‘normal’ eating can start. Do you agree?” YES I agree, I have been experiencing normal eating, peaceful nourishing eating without a lot of struggle. But it is very new and I don’t know if it will last. AND I have been going through the most intense emotions, and finding ways to let it out….but I admit I feel crazy, ungrounded, and unsure. So thank you for your supportive words.
Gel said:
PS…last comment meant for Emma and her post above.
Greta said:
Gel, I’m very happy for you getting inspired by such beautiful people like Emma, here! She is a gift!
Also, I hope you are better.
This huge progress of your past weeks is unbelievable! Way to go, Gel!
Greta said:
I love you, Emma! Thank you for this supporting comment! You know, when I get ‘slapped with a whole “you are en evil hypocrite” post I do question my sense of clear mind – maybe I’m really so screwed. Therefore some encouragement really helps.
The worse thing that in our society diet is worshiped and encouraged and binging is despised – this is so DAMN UNFAIR.
I’ve heard it so many times too – lose weight, therefore ‘fix’ you! But if one’s mind is screwed the number of scales is so irrelevant. It’s NEVER GOOD ENOUGH! Ever!
And man, this “getting it all out” works!!!
That “I’m so ‘fixed’ and ‘awesome” (LOL!) lady should try it too 😉
missymiller said:
Gosh. Greta.
Wow.
I love what yiou wrote back and if I could stress one thing: ” Without treatment it will get worse.”
YES! These diseases are absolutely 100% progressive and they will keep transforming you and making you go to lower lows.
A person with an eating disorder should follow every “well, at least I haven’t…” with the word YET.
“Well, I haven’t stolen food or anything……YET”
“I’m not underweight…….YET”
“I’ve never taken {insertpoisonemetichere]…..YET”
Get help now- tell someone today.
Greta said:
Yeah, Missy, the YET word!
And the whole myths of eds: behaviors, numbers, percentages…
Plus ignorant therapists, parents or imprudent bloggers and one is so screwed.
The fortitude is very current for asking for help.
Morgan Ross said:
I wish I could have printed out this post and shown it to my shrinks when I was seeking professional treatment for my ed (now recovered, more or less). It’s disheartening and angering how many mental health professionals don’t truly understand the compulsive element involved in binging, purging, and fasting, even the ones who claim to “specialize in” treating ed’s and work in ed clinics. Thank you for your thoughtful post.
Greta said:
Thank you for sharing, Morgan!
I’ve tried like 10 of the therapists! Truly. So many of them pitied me I couldn’t take it. Like asking all the time “So did you b/p this week?” “Why do you keep doing that?” !!!!!!!!!!!!!
Like I knew and was doing it for fun or their annoyance!
Finding a genuine, credible, understanding psychotherapist is crucial in recovery.
Gel said:
Greta and Morgan,
I wish we could come up with a way to find the genuine, credible and understanding psychotherapists….If you have time and could check out my latest post at my blog, it is on this topic. It really can seem like I’m ‘screwed’ because so many people say most people with EDs cant get and stay abstinent AND heal the deeper stuff with out a therapist while at the same time it seems that the really good therapists are hard to find…..just wishing.
But I also feel a trust that I will get free of the b/p behavior and at least find some healing.
Greta said:
I’ve just replied to your blog post with almost exact comment! 😀
Pingback: On weakness and change | The bee's toes