“I didn’t particularly want to live much longer than that. Life seemed rather daunting. It seems so to me even now. Life seemed too long a time to have to stick around, a huge span of years through which one would be require to tap-dance and smile and be Great! And be Happy! And be Amazing! And be Precious! I was tired of my life by the time I was twenty-three. Four years into eating disorder. No purging. Just starving myself to fainting and binging to “save” me. I was tired of being too much, too intense, too manic. I was tired of people, and I was incredibly tired of myself. I wanted to do whatever Amazing Thing I was expected to do— it might be pointed out that these were my expectations, mine alone— and be done with it” – Marya Hornbacher, Wasted.
Why suddenly to be thirsty for life?
I breathe in slowly. Food is life. I exhale, take another breath. Food is life. And that’s the problem. Is it?
That’s what I mean by weaving and knitting my words and visions. To see life’s purpose once again.
I am not a mistake. I’m not a problem to be solved. I just need to stop banging my head against the wall of shaming and caging and fearing myself.
This doesn’t make much sense, does it?
Sorry to spam your minds.
I just need to get all of this out. To move on.
Smile to me at my Lithuanian September. 😀