Hello, from chilly Lithuania. And first I want to share my appreciation of You, who stop by and leave a comment making my little heart beat faster every time. Awesome feeling. Thank you. So on Saturday, I had I fabulous party and sorry folks I mistreated your requests for picks.
The thing is I have this weird complex considering posting my personal images here. Whether or not I like to admit it and I don’t have to take psych classes or read enough books to know that people make judgments about you from the moments they see you or meet you. I much prefer to have my words stand on their own than for people to filter them through preconceived notions about whether I eat/ate or not. This is what happened when I have sent one of my articles to some serious site which specializes in eating disorder field – they liked it, and more of them… but after they saw my pictures here they declined any further collaboration because, I site their words, “you look too sick for a recovered person.” Gosh people, I never claimed I was recovered. I hope I ever be. But if you want to make a quick, dismissive judgment of me, at least do it based on what I’ve written and not because of my weight or the expression on my face.
Moreover for pretty much all of my life, I’ve considered myself unattractive. Seriously. From quite an early age it was pretty clear to me that physical attractiveness was high on the list for one’s life to be happy. At one point I considered getting surgery on my large nose and non-existing boobs (I did neither). And my granddad, probably trying to be supportive and a doctor, helped me plan for those, which confirmed my suspicions that everyone agreed on my lack of attractiveness. It wasn’t until I was pursued by my current boyfriend and told many, many, many times that I was beautiful, that I started to believe it. Still, posting a picture of myself just opens up all sorts of concerns and self-consciousness. And while I know that simply by having a blog I open myself up to potential trolls and other rude comments, at least I know that if someone wants to rant and insult me by calling me ugly, they’re doing so just out of their desire to be hurtful than any actual assessment of my face.
Also my relationship with photographs has changed. I work with photographers and their final creations on daily basis. I see lots and lots and lots of photos every day. I consider photography as a talent form. And back when Facebook happened and then blogs took over the internet (I was working then with L’Officiel) suddenly everyone was taking a million photos to post on it. I felt sad. At some point among the people I knew, photography had stopped being an art or a talent and had become synonymous with “OMG I have to document every moment of my life.” Some of my friends who work as photographers also got me to question a lot of the cultural norms around photographs, like how people didn’t use to smile for posed photos and now it’s expected, or how someone will stop a group of people who are in the middle of a conversation or doing something fun and have them freeze for a picture. All of this is not so much a reason for not having a picture of myself, but it’s a reason I don’t post photos of my weekends or my friends.
So there you have it – the reasons I ignored your request and on the whole all the blogging advice to post pictures of myself, and instead just stick to words, stock photos and some randomness I love and capture daily on my camera or iPhone.
Photography is nothing–it’s life that interests me.- Henri Cartier-Bresson (1908 – 2004) a French photographer, considered to be the father of modern photojournalism.
Having said that; I confess I love pictures of the blogs I read. They lace the bloggers days and do speak louder than words. And I sense some talents hiding behind their ordinary lenses as well.
What are your thoughts on posting pictures of yourself online? Does my decision not to post pictures affect how you see my blog?
Have a lovely and warm Monday, cupcakes!