Hi! It’s Wednesday. However I am reluctant to participate in WIAW hosted by Jenn’s Peas&Crayons as my mental state ain’t pretty right now.
As you all know, I am having some recovery issues. And, as I’ve already told you, I never want to be anorexic again, and I’m SERIOUS about this, BUT even in recovery, I’m still having those thoughts that I’d “feel better” if I’d lose “just a little” weight.
Anyhoo, I’ve eaten chocolate two days in a row, which is okay–I eat whatever I want. But, what rankles me is that, I don’t want to give into cravings because I suddenly felt too heavy or too fat or lost some weight (yay, let’s reefed!).
This type of thinking gets kind of sticky because, in reality (at least mine), I know that it’s okay if I eat chocolate or anything I desire. But my perfectionism, which wants me to have “perfect abstinence,” creates a guilt complex every time I encounter in any type of food that isn’t perfectly “clean.” Once again, I’ve engaged in the EDMF (eating disorder mind f**k).
Therefore I’m trying to get back to my food plan, guys, and follow it to the T.
However, where guilt ensues in the following that strategy perfectly bit is that some days I eat exactly as planned. But on most days, I will eat an extra of this, or skip that, which makes my perfectionistic brain go crazy!
There are some of my planned foods:
And there some non:
So my question is (and it doesn’t matter whether you have/had or not an eating disorder): do you plan your meals? And do you stick to them as written?
Happy Wednesday, cupcakes!!
I’m off to do some mental pushups.